I left him or at least I suggested it and didn’t beg him to stay when he stormed out! As you may or may no be able to imagine- the process of getting to this point and moving through it has left me little time to write let alone shower or brush my hair!
I am now a single mom to two precious toddlers age 1 and 2. I have no family help and their father visits them once a week. During this visit he makes up for lost time by continuing to berate me and be viscous but after talking with many family law attorneys- it seems family court is a wild card and its better to steer clear. So Im still subjected to his emotional abuse but at least the kids are happier and at more peace without the drama of his presence more often.
However- man am I tired!!!!! I dont know of many single moms of two babies with no one around to help! Where are my peers? I need support!!! I cant help but feel frustrated that their father is living it up being cooked for by friends and family, going to the gym every night and steaming and getting 9 hours sleep a night while I average 5 hours because Im not only raising my two babies alone but Im also running my own business from home too!!! I honestly amaze myself but my own amazement isnt what I crave. I want to be acknowledged! I want to be offered kuddos or support! I want to be seen and heard and appreciated.
I was telling my friend this on the phone today and my sweet 2 year old came up to me and said- I see you Mommy! Wow! My heart almost exploded with love and gratitude! I know he meant see with eyes- but it still felt profound and powerful!
I have so much more to say but my living room looks like a hurricane of toys struck so I must clean up before tomorrow’s playdate and business customer come over.
See me….. a knowledge me…. relate to me….. understand me…. appreciate me….