Patterns, routines, binds… why is the situation the same? Why was my mom destined to suffer in relationship and now I must despite my most conscious efforts? Kiddos’ dad no different except he doesn’t help much anymore with anything. He abandons us in dangerous places and cuts off our credit cards. So at first I thought it was just him, but now I’m a part of a board and there are a gaggle of ladies who are against me! Many people adore me and are for me and super grateful for my efforts. But there the old guard is angry that I am there working so hard to make it the best it can be. It doesn’t matter what I say, it is rejected. Even when the same thing I say is brought up by someone else, it is heralded! I toil and do other people’s job and no gratitude. Just attitude. I try to approach them in kindess and understanding and am ignored. Why can’t I find my people? This world is so hard. Other blogs had cursing and some immaturity. I’ve read the Bible now, so I’m trying to be appropriate and holy. God is love, so I’m trying to show love and not feel hate. But these ladies and the kids dad are very hard to feel love for! What am I doing wrong that it’s not like water off a ducks back? How did Jesus not be damaged when people spat at him and crucified him? I feel soooo alone and sad. Kingdom come! Kingdom come! NO one real reads this so it’s just my attempt to get it out of my body so it doesn’t plague me and I can hope that someone somewhere will hear me and connect with me on a real Christ-centered level.