Yep- its been awhile. Been surviving- raising my little active angels alone. Its mothers day this weekend and yet again- no acknowledgment for me although I do more than most with no help. Im so resentful and I dont know how to get it out since I have no time or options to get out my anger.
2 toddlers, two bunnies, two kitties, 1 elderly dog all rely on me 100% for full time care and nurturing. I still am healing from my fractured pelvis and have no family or partner or friends willing or available to help.
Im so goddamn lonely. No one to reflect back to me about how hard I work. Hands cracked and bleeding from so much washing and planting and cleaning and cooking. 5 hours sleep at most…. endless cleaning. I feel like a servant…. being a parent feels like being a servant. Yet I am told by their father how I have it so easy since all I do is care for the kids. WTF?! Ive worked since I was 7- and full time mommy is by far the most taxing job I have ever had. And I have had stressful jobs! CPS social worker, waitress, airline supervisor, group home house parent, retail. Been spit at, threatened, twisted arm and tables thrown at during these jobs. But at least I had breaks or co workers or bosses or an end to my shift. I never ever have down time.
When their father visits- I am still the one to care for the kids- he just plays or puts them in front of the phone.
And he bitches about how he has to work. His mom cooks and cleans for him every day. He works out every day, fishes every week, plays poker, steams… gets 8 hour sleep. Total chill easy life…. yet he yells at me and puts me down.
No appreciation, no help, nothing!!!!! Im fucking furious!!!
I normally am good- I dont need anything from anyone- but tonight? I do!!!!!
Dont get me wrong- I adore my babies and my life and wouldn’t trade it for the world, but sometimes I need to vent my frustrations to stay cool and this is my avenue to do that.
Peace.